Welcome to the April 2012 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Kids and Personal Care
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared stories, tips, and struggles relating to their children’s personal care choices.
One of the things that always amazes me as a parent is the way our children change their routines, temperaments and minds. One day your child is napping for two hours solid in the morning; the next day they’ll nap for only half an hour in the afternoon. It’s as though they fool you into a false sense of security, before pulling the carpet from under you and making you adapt all over again.
When it comes to personal care, my daughter is an expert at changing her mind. Take baths for example. She used to love splashing in the bath, playing with all her toys and making a grand old mess. Then one day she decided baths are very mediocre: something to be tolerated every few days for a maximum of three minutes before demanding to get out. Or brushing her teeth. There was a time she would happily stand and let me brush her teeth without an issue. These days, if she will tolerate the toothbrush at all, she insists on doing it herself, and will scream if I attempt to intervene.
But the biggest change in her personal care habits are to do with her nails, or talons as they are much of the time! When she was a tiny baby, who would rarely keep still, I had to wait until she was deeply asleep at night to cut her nails. It was a nightmare trying to gently prize her hands from under her, take each finger and delicately snip the tiny nails, all in near-darkness. Her toenails were impossible; her feet are so ticklish she would wake up if I so much as touched them! I just had to wait for them to break when she scuffed them.
As she got older, and cutting them at night became more difficult, I started to cut her nails while she was awake. And she actually decided she liked it. She would sit on my lap and go into a relaxed trance, letting me cut her fingernails and toenails, and seemingly enjoying the sensation. At one point she even started to demand that I cut her toenails, sitting on my knee, pulling her socks off and shoving her feet in my face. I would have to take the scissors and pretend to cut them, as there was often nothing left to cut.
Then one day, in characteristic fashion, she decided that was enough! She now hated having her nails cut. If I tried to so much as hold her hands she would pull away, shouting ‘no no’ in that frustrated way she does. As soon as she saw the scissors she would start to have a tantrum! These days she practically has claws, and frequently scratches herself and others with them. I either have to wait until she’s asleep, which is a nightmare as she sleeps so lightly, or do them one at a time before she realises what’s happening. It’s guerilla nail-clipping: taking her by surprise and doing a nail every few days.
In line with my general parenting philosophy, I tend to let most issues go. If my daughter doesn’t want to eat her vegetables, brush her hair or wear clothes, I usually just shrug and say ‘fine’. Such things don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. But when it comes to things like teeth brushing and nail clipping, as much as I’d love to let those things go too for an easy life, I wouldn’t be a very good parent if I did. But I do try to negotiate, choose a time Nookie is more amenable to, and generally make it as painless as possible. I believe deeply in showing children respect and giving them choices, rather than sternly dictating what will happen and when. If my daughter absolutely does not want me to cut her nails or change her nappy at a given point in time, I’ll ask her again at a time that she’s happier with. Some people might call that ‘giving in’. I call it respectful and peaceful parenting.
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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
(This list will be live and updated by afternoon April 10 with all the carnival links.)
- Rub-a-Dub Co-Bathing in Our Tub — Bath time is more than soap and water! That Mama Gretchen shares how co-bathing with her toddler has opened up a world of cleanliness, learning, and bonding.
- This is How We Take a Bath — Shannon at GrowingSlower shares her special formulas for babywash and a happy bath time.
- How to Gently Trim Your Toddler’s Nails — Shannon at The Artful Mama discusses some of the gentle suggestions she has received to help Little Man overcome his anxiety of having his nails trimmed, as well as how she copes with her need for his nails to be trimmed.
- Baby bath time and skin care — Ursula Ciller shares some simple and natural tips for bathing and skin care.
- Want Your Child To Love Getting Clean? Have Them Make Their Own Soaps, Shampoos, and Lotions! — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares her secret to empowering her daughter to “get clean.” Together, Jennifer and her daughter make their own body washes and lotions which makes clean up time fun!
- Encouraging Self-care Through Awareness… and Fun — Amy at Presence Parenting shares some tips on how to transform self-care from a struggle into an opportunity — for kids and adults.
- Caring for kids’ curls — Lauren at Hobo Mama tells you how to clean, condition, comb, and style ringlets and waves on little heads.
- Playing in the Rain — Jorje of Momma Jorje loves how her family has come to make a family event of showering!
- The Cleansing Power of the Football — Rachel at Lautaret Bohemiet talks about her son’s favorite bath buddy.
- Coconut Oil: Nature’s “Baby Magic” — Megan at The Boho Mama has only one must-have baby care item in her cupboard: Coconut Oil!
- For Sensitive Kids, Less Is More — Kadiera at Our Little Acorn finds less cleaning is better.
- Bathtime: Just Another Chance to Play! — Lyndsay at Our Feminist {Play} School discusses the many reasons bath time is important – getting clean isn’t one of them.
- Hygiene? What hygiene? — Sheila at A Gift Universe confesses some of her most embarrassing hygiene secrets.
- Confused About Chemicals? — Jaye Anne at Wide Awake, Half Asleep describes how to find out where the toxic chemicals are in your house and tips on alternatives.
- Clipping Those Talons — ANonyMous at Radical Ramblings describes the ways her daughter’s tolerance for personal care has changed over time, especially when it comes to nail clipping.
- Sit Back, Relax and Unschool Hygiene — Instead of focusing on tactics of how to ‘get’ your child to focus on hygiene, Authentic Parenting explains how to help your child internalize hygienic standards.
- Help! My Tot will not let me brush her teeth! — Mudpiemama shares five positive ways to help toddlers brush teeth and sabotage the tooth fairy’s secret conspiracy.
- Self Care and the Spirited Child — Amy at Toddler In Tow shares how a balancing act between independence and connectedness helps her spirited child learn appropriate self-care.
- Hairbrushing is a Safety Issue — Dulce de leche guest posting at Natural Parents Network explains that although tangles are not a safety issue, self-confidence and body boundaries are.
- 15 Ideas to Prepare Toddlers and Preschoolers for Dental Procedures — Dionna at Code Name: Mama is sharing ideas on how to thoughtfully prepare little ones for dental visits (particularly those that require anesthesia).
- Holistic Care of your Toddler’s Teeth — Erica at ChildOrganics tells a tale of her children’s teeth issues and how she uses homeopathy and good nutrition to keep cavities at bay.
- Bath Time Bliss : Fuss-Free Bath Time for Toddlers — Christine at African Babies Don’t Cry shares how she has made bath time completely fuss free for both her and her toddler.
- Homemade Natural Toothpaste — City Kids Homeschooling hosts a guest post on a homemade natural toothpaste recipe that kids will love!
- Bathing Strike Strategies — Crunchy Con Mommy offers her best tips for keeping your little ones clean when they refuse to bathe.
- Bodily Autonomy and Personal Hygeine — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children discusses the importance of supporting a child’s bodily autonomy in the prevention of abuse.
- A Tub Full of Kiddos! — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment has kiddos who love the water, so bathtime is a favorite evening activity!
- The Trials of Tidying My Toddler — Adrienne at Mommying My Way shares the difficulties she has with getting her on-the-go son to be still enough to get clean.
- Wiped Clean — Laura at Pug in the Kitchen shares her recipe for homemade diaper wipe solution to clean those sweet little cloth diapered bottoms in her home!
- Snug in a Towel: Embracing Personal Grooming — Personal care is time consuming,especially with more than one child; but the mama at Our Muddy Boots is learning to embrace this fleeting and needful time.
- EC: All or Nothing? — Elimination Communication. Even the title sounds complicated and time consuming. It doesn’t have to, if you adapt it to meet your family’s needs, says Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy.
- Routine Battles — In a guest post at Anktangle, Jorje of Momma Jorje outlines a simple incentive to help inspire your little one to follow a routine.
- Redefining Beauty For My Daughter — Justine at The Lone Home Ranger relays her struggle to define her own femininity and how her preschooler unexpectedly taught her a lesson in true beauty.
- Rub-A-Dub-Dub, Three Girls In The Tub — Chrystal at Happy Mothering shares how she turns bath time into a few minutes of peace and quiet.
- Montessori-Inspired Activities for Care of Self — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now has a roundup of Montessori-inspired activities for care of self and ideas for home environments that encourage independence.
- 10 Gentle Tips for Little Ones Who Hate the Bath — Kim at life-is-learning gives 10 tips to get your little one into the bath and maybe even enjoying it.
- The Boy With The Long Hair — Liam at In The Now discusses his son’s grooming choices.
- Personal Care in a Montessori Home — Melissa at Vibrant Wanderings shares a summary of the ways she has organized her family’s home to make for easy, Montessori-inspired toddler personal care.
- Styling Kids — Kellie at Our Mindful Life is letting her kids decide what to look like.
- Clean Kids: Laundry and Bath Tips — Kimberly at Homeschooling in Nova Scotia shares tips on how to get your children helping with laundry plus recipes for laundry and liquid soap.
- How to Clean Your Children Naturally: A Tutorial — Erika at Cinco de Mommy shows you how to clean your children.
- Cleaniliness is next to… dirt — The lapse-prone eco-mom (Kenna at Million Tiny Things) sometimes forgets to bathe the kids. Except in the mud pit.
Thanks so much for talking about this topic in all its complexity. It really is hard to navigate between a child’s rightful autonomy and our responsibility as parents to keep them healthy.
For us, toothbrushing can be an issue, and I can’t just let it go since Mikko has several severe dental problems. But we have been able to talk about it, read books, watch videos, model our own toothbrushing habits, sing songs, play games, make compromises when it comes to the details, etc. I don’t want to just hold him down and take over the task, even though theoretically that could be “easier”; it’s important to me to find a peaceful way through for both of us.
Great post — thank you!
Thanks. Those are all really good ideas; I might have to utilise some of those. The teeth brushing is actually becoming a bit of an issue as time goes on. I too don’t want to hold Nookie down, but it’s getting to the point where that’s the only way I ever get to brush her teeth. If she really doesn’t want me to then I won’t force it, but there are times when she says no, but really she’s more just pleading rather than genuinely desperate for me not to. She’ll just about let me quickly run the brush around her bottom teeth before insisting I stop.
It’s so hard isn’t it trying to do the best for your child’s health whilst at the same time trying not to invade their personal space when they don’t want you to.
My son is the same exact way! He has changed his mind about things like the bath and nail clipping several times. Currently, he loves the bath, but I can’t clip his nails. I’m looking forward to the day he decides he likes it again
Ha ha. I’m glad Nookie isn’t the only one! Thanks for reading.
I find nail clipping a necessary self-care habit. I help my daughter feel comfortable with sitting still to clip finger and toe nails by treating it like a mani pedi, with lotion and sometimes nail polish
And I make sure to do mine and Joseph’s at the same time – so that she understands that it is a family habit – not just one that she has to “endure” . . . as she grows older, she is starting to understand why short nails are a priority for us (sometimes they can scratch others, and if there is dirt and ice trapped under long nails, it makes hand washing a longer process, and they can transmit germs).
I agree though that following a child’s lead is important and that in any venture, it’s important to make it a respectful and peaceful time as much as possible.
Thanks for sharing. That’s a good idea.
Perpetual change is definitely a child’s life! Although clipping nails is a duel in our house, you have given me new reason to choose that battle. I love your perspective on things!
Thanks a lot.
I thought it was just my toddler being awkward; constantly changing her mind. I’m glad to hear it’s a common theme.
You’re right; if we respect our children’s choices about other matters, we should also be respecting their wishes as to hygiene. Even when we can’t give in altogether, there’s a lot we can do to help. I have songs for toothbrushing and nail clipping, and I often agree to do just a quickie brush or one or two nails at a time. We can pick a time when we’re reading together or otherwise doing something relaxing. I can let him pretend to cut my nails first. I won’t say hygiene is never a bit of a battle, but it rarely is because I try to make it as painless as possible. I mean, I understand the desire not to have one’s body messed with. So even though it’s not really dispensable, I do understand how he feels.
Yup. Same here. Thanks for reading.
“”It’s guerilla nail-clipping: taking her by surprise and doing a nail every few days.” – This made me nearly laugh out loud. (The only reason it was nearly and not actually is because I’m trying to be respectful of an interview that my husband is doing on Skype.) Why? Because I’ve started keeping a set of nail clippers in the car so that I can guerrilla-clip Petals’ nails when she knocks off in the back seat. I have actually pulled over on the side of the road to sneak into the backseat to clip these nails! It’s that crucial! Not only does she appear to have a propensity to curled toenails (I’m so afraid she’s going to get in-grown nails if I don’t stay on top of it) but everyone asks me if she’s fallen on pavement or if she’s otherwise hurt herself due to the plethora of scratches on her body. The kid refuses to even let me hold her hands or feet for more than a second, let alone get a clipper near them!
I say all this to say that it was a great relief to come across your blog and realize that there are other moms out there with taloned kids.
Oh dear. That sounds nightmarish! That’s some extreme length to have to go to. Yeh Nookie is bad for scratching too. Her shoulders, back and stomach are always covered in scratches. She’s a little monkey.
Finding a balance between parental guidence and baby freedom is really tricky. When my little one was born, one of the midwives told me every baby has an evil streak. I laughed at this thinking “nonsense”, but she was kind of right. Babies are exceptional psychologists and push buttons as far as you let them. Babies doen’t always know what’s good for them and as parents we have the advantage of life experience (i.e. my friends 2yo told her mum what sweets to get from the service station – childhood diabetes here we come). Often I need to set clear boundries, i.e. after 15 minutes or so of book time I say, “Finished, booktime finished – book goes to sleep.” At first this was met with an astronomical tantrum, but know she has just a mini protest and then excepts this. I hold her hand when I want, even if she doesn’t feel like it, and now she actually likes it (one day we will be on the roadside and I HAVE to be able to protect her from traffic). She seems to be happier and more accepting knowing her boundries. And the more she accepts her boundries, the greater freedom she has (i.e. she is not allowed to go on the radio – with much calm and gentle explaination “no, don’t push the radio buttons”-, and as she accepts this is allowed to explore the room). Every child is different, but this works well for me and my little one.
Hmm.. I agree with some of what you say, about children needing some boundaries, and definintely agree that you should stick with what works for you. But as a radical unschooling family, we try to give our daughter as much freedom and autonomy as is safely and practically possible, allowing her to make decisions for herself where we can. We rarely force her to do anything she doesn’t want to, unless there’s a genuine reason for it, and try to balance her freedom and autonomy with safety, allowing her to test her own boundaries and learn from her own mistakes. Obviously this can’t always be possible, and we have to take safety and the rights of others into account, but overall we allow her a lot of freedom, especially when it comes to things like food. We don’t want to create ‘good’ and ‘bad’ foods so allow her to eat pretty much whatever she likes, within reason, and learn for herself what her body is telling her she needs. As she gets older we can explain why you shouldn’t eat too much sugar and stuff, but for the minute we’re letting her choose and so far it’s working. She doesn’t over-eat at all and will eat sweets just as much as she’d eat any other food. That may change in time I suppose, but for the minute it’s working out okay.