Welcome to the Taboo Carnival. Our topic this Spring is “I Miss My Life!” This post was written for inclusion in the quarterly Taboo Carnival hosted by Momma Jorje and Hybrid Rasta Mama. This month our participants reflect on life before and after motherhood and “missing” some of the aspects of life without children. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
Generally I love motherhood. My days are filled with more joy than I ever thought possible. Every day is different. Sometimes challenging, sometimes unbelievably stressful, but overall chaotically wonderful. My daughter is a constant marvel to me. She is my heart. I am complete when I am with her.
But as happy as I am, and as much as I wouldn’t undo my decision to become a mother for anything at all, there are things I deeply miss from my childless days. Becoming a parent changes life in more ways than you can ever anticipate. From the trivialities like sleep and free time to the big questions you start to contemplate: what sort of future will my child face; did I do the right thing by bringing her into this world…? Suddenly life takes on new meaning and you’re faced with a whole lot of worry that never even crossed your mind before you became a parent.
But this post is about the things I miss from my childless days. There are no biggies here, but sometimes it’s the little things in life you miss the most. Things like stopping on a lazy afternoon in a coffee shop with a book and having a nice mug of hot chocolate. That’s not something I did much before having Nookie, but it is something I can’t do now without a serious amount of pre-planning, which sort of defeats the object! Or stopping in a bar for a drink with a friend I’ve run into. Again, it’s never gonna happen with a toddler in tow. Sometimes I rush through town while I’m on my hectic Wednesday shopping trip and see the people sitting in the coffee shops with a newspaper and a drink, and I deeply long to swap lives, just for an hour.
…I miss going to the gym! Pre-Nookie I did actually quite enjoy going to the gym. It was an hour just for me where I was lost in my own little world and getting a serious adrenaline rush. It was fun.
I miss lie-ins and nights spent sat up watching horror films. I miss drunken parties and sleep-overs at friend’s houses. I miss going out clubbing every weekend and spending Sundays nursing a hangover.
I miss going to festivals with my friends. I miss theme parks.
I miss going to the swimming pool so I can swim and go on the cool water slides.
I miss seeing live bands every few months.
But mostly I miss freedom… to do whatever I like whenever I like with no one else to consider. Being able to read a book whenever I feel like it or watch what I want on TV. Being able to get up when it suits me. I know one day I’ll get to do all these things again… that this intense period of early childhood won’t last forever. But sometimes it feels like it will.
I will just say one thing though. Knowing I was taking the decision to have a child meant I prepared myself for this huge change in my life. And I deeply remember one summer day in 2009 (during this time we were trying to get pregnant without success). I was at a music festival watching one of my favourite bands, Pendulum. It was a beautiful, hot summers day. And I remember standing there and taking a moment and savouring it. I told myself that this was probably the last time I would get to do this for a long time and to just remember how it feels… to be young and free and here, at this place, doing this thing I love. I soaked in the sun and the music and the carefree life I had, and I imprinted it on my memory forever. And now whenever I’m having a day where I’m feeling a little fed-up of having my whole life dictated by a two-year-old, I just remember that moment and I smile.
- 10 Drastic Differences Between Life Before and After Becoming A Mother — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama compares her life before and after becoming a mother and muses on why it is pretty incredible despite never having a moment alone.
- Everyone Misses Sleep — Jorje of Momma Jorje misses the same things that most moms miss, but with some little quircks…
- Sometimes — ANonyMous @ Radical Ramblings reflects on the things she misses about being childless, despite the fact she wouldn’t change her decision to become a mother for anything.
- The Baby Moon is Over — Mercedes at Project Procrastinot remembers her babymoon and misses the simplicity of being a wife before children.
- I miss my life, but not as much as I love this one. — Cara of CarasJeans reflects on how she copes with the difficult and selfless, yet profoundly rewarding, task of raising Irish twins in her young 20′s.
- I miss the life that never was. — Amy at Anktangle doesn’t pine for days and years past, but she does miss the life she thought she would have when she became a mother.