I haven’t blogged much lately. I’ve been very busy with lots of things. My life has been crazy hectic over the last few weeks. Hedgehog had yet another operation on his stomach, to repair no less than FIVE hernias, a few weeks ago, and I’ve been his full-time carer since then. It’s been very tough at times, for all of us. He’s slowly recovering, but it’s a slow process. Gradually life is getting a little easier.
Nookie has broken her months-long spell of being really perfectly easy… she’s still a little darling, but there have been some trying times over the last week or so. She’s been quite hard work. I’m sure she’s responding to the increased stress in the household as she always does, coupled with a stressed-out, hormonal mother who hasn’t always had the time for her. Things will improve again soon, I’m sure. On top of that, she’s cut out naps virtually completely now, but is now generally awake from 8am until after 10pm every day. I’m rarely getting any time to myself, and 14-15 hours straight of being mummy is really taking its toll on my sanity. I fall in to bed at night and am in deep sleep immediately, not rousing until the early hours when my pregnant-woman bladder starts shouting at me!
As for this pregnancy, so far so good. My 20 week scan is in a week or so. But in the last fortnight I’ve seen a cardiologist, had an ECG, an echocardiogram, and a foetel echocardiogram (I was born with a hole in my heart which was repaired when I was Nookie’s age, so the obstetricians are always very concerned about my heart and the baby’s heart. I also have a heart murmur.) They’ve all been normal. I’m sure in the next week or so I’ll be discharged from the care of the obstetricians and cardiologist and just be under the care of the midwife (as happened when I was pregnant with Nookie).
Health-wise, I’m good. I have so much energy it’s unbelievable. I’ve cleaned the house from top to bottom over the last couple of weeks. I just can’t seem to stop. Maybe it’s because I remember the discomfort and difficulty of the last trimester and subconsciously want to do as much as I can now. I’m very enthusiastic about this pregnancy. When I was pregnant with Nookie, although I had this innate feeling that everything would just be okay, I was still under the dark cloud of miscarriage, and never really enjoyed any of it. This time I’m savouring every moment (though I can’t believe I’m already half way there!). I’m really trying to connect with this baby… allowing my mood swings to just be; eating what my body is telling me it needs; taking time to listen to my body. Nookie and I talk to the baby and wonder about what it’s doing in there.
I’m embracing my pregnant body in a way I never did last time. Last time around I hated being pregnant… the restrictions placed on me; the way my body was changing. This time I’m learning to love it. My boobs look amazing. I’m managing to keep my weight down. Yeh, the way my clothes are becoming increasingly uncomfortable is irritating, but I’m trying not to dwell on that and just wear the things that make me feel comfortable. I’m accepting my changing shape and remembering that pregnancy is beautiful. Truly beautiful.
I’m also doing some serious preparation for childbirth this time around. I still can’t believe how ignorant I was when I laboured with Nookie. This time will be soooo much different. I’m currently reading Ina May Gaskin’s Guide to Childbirth and loving it. I plan to read-up on hypnobirthing and perhaps attend a natural childbirth class. I’ll be making it very clear to my midwife (when I eventually meet my actual midwife!) what sort of birth I plan on having. I wish I could afford to hire an independent midwife, or even a doula, but unfortunately neither of those are an option. I’ll just have to make it very clear to my NHS midwife what I expect, and be ready to be assertive. This time around I want to FEEL my labour. I want to feel powerful and in control, not completely lost and powerless.
So, yeh… it’s all going good.